I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
