apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
