i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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