Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
