someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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