I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
