being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
