Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
