so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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