I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
