for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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