Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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