I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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