jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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