We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
