If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize