i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
