Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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