The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
FUCK WHALES
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