What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
