Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
