Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
