I think my fart just growled at me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
