You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
