no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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