I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
