its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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