um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
