Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
