he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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