I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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