i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
