apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
