I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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