eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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