hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
