Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
