yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
