I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
