Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
