I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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