i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
