I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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