Can i not drive my cunt home
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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