I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
