she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
