i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
