So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
