so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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