His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
how does that bad decision feel?
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