I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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