I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
