Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
