What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ambien. No doubt about it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
