what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
