Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
PANTIES FOUND
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