Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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