This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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