Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
