I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
