She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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